"Who Ta-Nai-Nai-De Cares!"

Last week I wrote an essay about a curious thing I saw in the backyard. A mother deer hopped over the 4-feet fence, her baby did not jump, the fence was too tall for him. I watched with my dogs on the deck, expected the mother jumping back into the yard to rescue the small deer. After 10 minutes the mother never came back, the baby deer walked away, casually and indifferently.

Astonished with how irresponsible the mother deer was, I wrote an essay about it. As I was typing fast, I still mumbled to myself: “I can’t believe the mama deer did not jump back!”

My daughter turned up the volume on the TV, and shouted at me: “Mom! Lay it off! IT IS A DEER!”

My husband said lightly: “Yeah! But if our dogs had run over and messed with the baby deer, I can guarantee that the mama deer will beat the crap out of the dogs!” He recalled a dramatic rescue of our small dog from an angry mother deer’s furious hoofs because the dog attacked her baby deer.

My husband’s old and wise aunt called after reading the essay. She herself had been struggling for years trying to seek for a tolerable relationship with her three adult children. “Animals have a much wiser and intelligent way to handle their affairs They know when to let go, and say Enough is enough!”

My friend Judy, who is obsessed with nature and wild lives, essentially a walking encyclopedia of “Animal Kingdom”, asked me how old the baby deer was. “Animal mothers are diligent and persistent on training their children to become independent! When the child is old enough, the mother would purposely push him to the real world. Perhaps what you witnessed was just that!”

My elder cousin CK, who always pokes fun of me for my "over-reacting"ness, wrote me back: “Jesus Yan Yan, you are more pathetic than I thought! You’ve got to let go your kids! -- IT IS TIME!”

My dear friend S, who is always obsessed with my writings, replied back, did not mention anything about the deer, simply said: “Another brilliant piece you had written! You’ve got to get your work published!”

It was Mei’s comment that brought me the broadest grin. Mei is from Beijing, the funniest and most organic and most provocative Chinese I’ve met in my life. She is in her early 50’s and does not have children. She does not “give a shit” to kids, and almost all the time “annoyed” by them.

In Chinese, the phrase “Ta-Nai-Nai-De” literally means “His Grandmother’s”. The true meaning is more on the line of “His Grandmother’s reproductive organ”. Very rarely one hears a woman uses this phrase, especially a well respected woman statistician who has two masters degrees and drives a BMW.

Which is why it sounded hilarious and utterly amusing when Mei threw this phrase to me after reading my “deer essay” -

“Who Ta-Nai-Nai-De Cares!”

Doe, a deer, a female deer

The sun was rising, a golden ray of brilliant light shimmered through the fields.I sat on the deck sipping my first cup of coffee, showered my unwashed face in the warm golden sun.

Across the neighbor’s yard, two deer ran through quickly. A large mama deer and a small baby bambi. The mother gracefully jumped over the 4-foot fence, into the oak bushes of the Air Force Academy property. The baby followed, but stopped at the fence, did not jump over. It was quite obvious too tall for him.

The baby deer looked left and right, started walking back a little, turned around and stopped at the fence again.

“Any minute now, the mother deer would be jumping back into the yard.” I thought to myself, sipping some coffee. I scrolled my cell phone screen and took a look at today’s weather. I lifted my head to the neighbor’s yard. The baby deer stood on the same spot. No mother.

Another 5 minutes past. No mother.

My dogs were watching too. They sat on the cushions and picked a spot through the deck rail, and watched contently.

The baby deer took another look to the left, then right, began to move his way down to the next yard. I stood up and walked around the deck trying to see if the mother was on the other side of the fence waiting for her baby. The oak bushes were tall and thick, no sign of the mother deer.

“So she did not come back for her baby!” I thought to myself.

“I fully expected that she would be jumping right back for her child!” I still couldn’t believe what I saw. The baby deer now stopped, began to eat some grass.

I pictured in my head that the mother would jump back, gracefully lift her baby over the fence, then hop herself over. -- Sort of like catching a train at a crowded Chinese train station during the Chinese New Year.

Well, lifting the baby might be a bit un-real for a deer. Never saw a deer lifting anything with their hoofs. But, at least, she should have jumped back and take the baby on a different route!

Where the hell is she?!

The baby deer slowly ate the grass indifferently. Does he know he is trapped on this side of the fence which runs a few miles all the way to the high way? He will be forever separated with his mother if he does not jump over right now!
He is obviously not panicking.

I imagined myself hopped on a moving train and left my baby behind on a train station, what a horrible nightmare that would be. I imagined my panicking baby would be frantically running up and down looking for me, and I would screaming hysterically trying to find an open door or window so I can jump off the moving train back to the platform. And when I find my baby, I would be holding him so tight and would never separate his limps with my own.

Then again first of all, I would probably never have jumped over the tall fence, or on a moving train, without my baby.

What do the animals do with the moving train? In this case, a tall fence? How do the animals handle things in the wild?

Right in front of my eyes, it was obvious that the mother never came back for the baby, and the baby deer never panicked to look for the mother. They both, simply, moved on with their daily businesses - eating grass constantly, occasionally lifting their heads.

So they have moved on, just like this.

Will the baby be alright?
Does the mother wonder what would happen to her baby?
Is she panicking?
Is she worried?
Does she feel guilty?
Will she be condemned by her society?
Will she be taken to the court for “child neglect and abandonment”?
Will she be haunted the rest of her life for abandoning her child?

Is she a good mother?

The baby deer finally moved out of my sight. Eating slowly, looking left, looking right, looking at nothing for a moment, turning his head down and eating some more.

I took a final look at the other side of the fence. No sign of the mother deer. Nothing.

The dogs grew bored.

So did I.